Sunday, 11 July 2010

what the fuck i am doing. dont know.

I've gone crazy i think. I haven't been sober much since 18 and Alive, and i think that while i still am, right now, 1.14 am on Monday, i should say this. I still love you Fiqa, not one bit less, in fact, so much more.

I had you wiped out of my life for the past donkey weeks, i lost track of how long. But today, as i was looking back at my photo album remembering my secondary school days, i found the last things i kept about you. Your neo-prints.

I broke down and i never thought any feeling i ever had in the past 18 years was anything like this. I could beat myself up for forgetting how your hug feels like. But I'm glad, that as i lay my fingertips on your face, i can now see your face, without any imagination involved. I can use all of my mind to miss you instead of just trying to imagine you there. 

But as i smile my nose wrinkles up forcefully and I realized how much i miss you. I realized how much i actually love you. I'm tired, i don't want any girl, not anymore. Please, i really don't want any other girl ever existent in this world. I know I'm not good at words Fiqa, but i just want to say, not as myself, but as a man who's all alone. 

I want to say I'm glad you left and vanished and you never looked back, never came in contact. Because I'm glad you left without any regret, and lived your life happier without me. And knowing you are happy, I don't really care what happens to me in return. Hahhaa, no, i really don't care. I'm serious. 

Ko ma wa, ja gi ya. Thank you for loving me, thank you for letting me have you, because i think it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened in my life. Your love made me, i couldn't have been me without you, Fiqa. Your love allowed me to become a man, to see how unpredictable love is. You are special, you were, you are, you will always be special to me. 

I have never ever felt this way with a girl before. Thank you Fiqa, because the next time if i ever feel something like this, I'll know how much i love the girl already. God, if someone were to give me a phone right now, I'll call you and say, "sa rang hae." 3 words, and nothing more. I don't want to ruin your life, I don't want to disturb you, I just want you to know babe, I love you.
♥ Terima Kasih Kerana Sudi Membaca Entry Eddy Ezally ! Sila Beri Comment and Like la Kalau Suka ! ♥

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...